Monday, September 14, 2009

my own ten commandments

1. Honor myself first
2. Trust my intuition
3. Seek truth in all things
4. Eradicate guilt
5. Believe in the impossible
6. Expect abundance
7. Be grateful
8. Travel the world
9. Listen to and follow my dreams
10. Be love, be joy, be who I am

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Never could I have imagined that I would go to Europe not once, but twice in one year...clearly I've lived an extremely sheltered life. I leave this Thursday, Oct. 23rd, and an empty suitcase beckons me to fill it with 3 weeks worth of "stuff", but here I sit in front of my ancient e-machine typing a blog. Procrastination is my middle name. Belgium, Denmark, and Sweden here I come...hopefully with a suitcase.

Sunday, August 31, 2008


Oh, little Gemini, you are ever so philosophical, don't you just exhaust yourself? I do, but the lessons never cease! Am I to turn off my head and go on autopilot like most of the world, chasing the next buzz after a long boring day at work? Am I to stick my head in the sand, ignore the beauty that surrounds me and stay where I'm at on the journey, content with mediocrity? Well, if I could I would but I can't so I won't!

This past week the theme running through my head has been birth. Now, I've got experience in this department. To spare you the gory details, I've had 3 beautiful, medication-free birth experiences, partly because my mother told me that going through labor is not pain, it is hard's all perspective. If I realized that my body was going to do this whether I consented or not, and if I relaxed into it and breathed, the process would be a hell of a lot easier. Don't I know it! My first labor was 7 hours long. The second, the doctor approached me during the hardest part of labor and asked me if I wanted drugs to "take the edge off" and wouldn't stop asking until I said through gritted teeth, "No, I'm fine" and that labor lasted only 4 hours. He must have thought I was nuts, but I had heard too many stories of drugged up women, too tired to push, with babies born too lethargic to nurse from the drugs that I knew they weren't for me. The last one was the best..only 3 hours and I made sure no one was going to tempt me with drugs during the process.

The concept of the birthing process has resurfaced as a theme this past week. I know I'm being prepared for something new, perhaps many new things, and unlike my beautiful birth experiences with my children, I've found myself fighting the pain instead of pressing into it and breathing in the lesson God has to offer me. But oddly enough a song was born through this pain, and ultimately, what every song I wrote an email to a very good friend after sharing with her my fears that my heart's unfulfilled desires will never come to fruition, and she encouraged me to listen to those things and ask what they are trying to speak into my life. I went outside on a break from work and the universe opened and spoke to me in a thousand little ways and this is my excited response back to my friend....

We are birthing beauty! All the struggle we go through in life is because the universe is rebirthing itself through us, and we have an innate desire to create more beauty in this world. It is the world we see around us, but it is only beautiful if we recognize it and breathe out our divine energy all over if, infusing it and making it a reality. Beauty cannot exist without us! It's that whole concept of if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it make a sound? Beauty is there to be recognized. Beauty is waking up next to someone watching me sleep in the morning light with a smile on his face. Beauty is taking the time to feed your baby from your body because those moments are fleeting and do not last forever. Beauty is traveling to a new place just to see it, just to infuse it with more beauty! Beauty is showing that to other people! Damn, it sucks to be at work while epiphanies are happening! Beauty is you taking the kids to the water park goes on and on. This is not about whether what I want works out or not, it is about appreciating what has already taken place, and what was and is truly beautiful. There is no end to the beauty being birthed through us so I need not fear that somehow it will vanish or slip through my fingers again. It is within me....all I have to do is breathe it out into the world and the world smiles back at me.

I'm so grateful for this lesson, and yet I know I'll slip back and be afraid again...but maybe the next time I'll remember the truth a bit more quickly.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

domino effect

Getting ready for work today...
I pull the only shirt left in my closet appropriate for work--solid and dark-colored--and it needs to be ironed, stupid ruffle-collared shirt! My hair has decided to stage a revolt against the normal standards of decent hair behavior and has erupted into an explosion that can only be tamed by one thing--the straightening iron. Finally, dressed and hair coup averted, I head downstairs to grab my purse and head out the door keys are not in my purse! Extra 10 minutes to search the house and find them on the desk. As I head out to my car which is parked under a tree--not its usual spot--a low branch catches my hair and entangles itself in my ponytail and threatens to hold me hostage. I successfully free myself and decide to make a quick stop at Einsteins for a power bagel and an iced tea...should be fast because of the time of day...oh no....empty order internal argument ensues, "Leave, you have no time to, I hear him right around the corner, he'll be right back....but you're already running late....wait, wait...yes here he is!" Food and drink in hand, I start my trip to work and realize I have 15 minutes to get there. It's still possible if I drive just 10 mph over the speed, there's a lot of traffic today...some nascar tactics may be necessary, but I'm pretty good at that...oh no!!!!!!!!! Police car with lights flashing..maybe it's not for me..damn, it is! Thirty seconds from my exit for work! My first Texas speeding first ticket in 16 years. Bummer. But I still made it to work on time with not a minute to spare. :)

Monday, March 3, 2008

a cold day in austin

I awoke this morning to the sound of wind and rain pounding against my window. Luckily I wasn't scheduled to work until the evening so there was no hurry to get out of bed, which made me very happy in spite of the nasty weather. I don't think we even hit 50 degrees today! That kind of cold is quite rare here in Austin I'm happy to say. But sometimes when it's cold outside it makes staying home even more inviting. I'm blessed to share life with literally the 3 coolest kids on earth. Cassie, my home-loving 10 year old thespian, was happy about the rain...she said it makes things so cozy when we light candles on a rainy day and stay home. Caleb, my heartbreakingly sweet 5 year old, was full of love for mommy today...I swear he spontaneously said, "Mom, I love you" about 15 times throughout the day! How great is that?? After a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and sweet peas, he and I had a blast playing Legos...his creations much more interesting and complex than mine of course (how do you make a paddleboat out of Legos?!) Alesia, ever brilliant and beautiful, soon to be 15 in July (hard to believe!) was full of inspiration and was at the computer for most of the day pouring herself into the book she's writing. I've been going out dancing and hanging out with friends more on the weekends when the kids are with their dad, and I'm having a great time meeting new people and learning something new too, but there's still something about the art of creating a home that is truly a haven that will always take precedence in my heart.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


They say that confession is good for the soul. I took a vacation from my soul over this past month. I made some choices that are not typical of me, that I don't respect, and I'm mad at myself. Nothing irreparable or earth-shattering, but I definitely should have known better. I don't want to be like the old lady in those commercials from the 80's "I've fallen and I can't get up!!!" Well, I have fallen, but I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back to the real me. Things like this can be opportunities in disguise. You don't realize a car needs fixing until it breaks down, and then you take it to the mechanic, and he opens the hood, diagnoses the problem, and makes the necessary repairs. We all have broken parts inside us, but we often go through life blissfully unaware, feeling not quite whole but not knowing why, until we finally break down and mess up big time. Then comes the process of opening up the hood, and looking inside our hearts and hopefully healing what is broken. I didn't realize...I thought I was stronger than that...but I understand why...and I don't want to make the same mistake ever again.

life is good..

I had my first little dinner party at my place last night since moving to Austin. I'd forgotten how much I love to entertain..I've been so busy since moving here. There's something artistic in setting the scene..getting the house all cleaned up, lighting candles, picking out the music, and of course, the food! I made a simple Italian meal: pasta, salad, bread, wine--Sangiovese, of course. It was lovely, Dahling! Good food, good friends, and good wine..what more could I ask for?!